My kids are looking at $75 jeans for school. The term "registration fee" is starting to annoy me. And I'm counting the days until I can retire my lawnmower.
This can mean only one thing: The college football season is upon us.
Which in turn means another thing: The preseason forecasts are out.
Actually, my research into what the magazines are saying about Utah's teams took an upturn this year. That's because of the six publications I reviewed, three came to the office. Didn't cost me a dime. The other three cost me $17.16, including tax, which will be showing up on my expense voucher any day.
What? You think I buy those things for entertainment?
This year's list of magazines includes Sports Illustrated, ESPN, Athlon, The Sporting News, Lindy's and Preview Sports. You can disregard ESPN, because all it does is rank the Top 25, and nobody around here is on the list.
Otherwise, the publications all seem to be on pretty much the same page — the one which says the Utes are the best team in the state, followed by BYU and Utah State. Weber State and Southern Utah, being I-AA schools, get little if any mention.
Truth told, the Aggies might be better off if nobody did mention them. "Frankly," writes Preview Sports, "the USU defense has more holes than a Pauly Shore movie script."
Since I'll never see a Pauly Shore movie—unless I'm stuck on a four-hour flight — I'll have to imagine how many holes that is.
To use a football phrase, Lindy's piles on the Aggies, picking them to finish fifth of six teams in the Big West. "New coach, same result," it says.
Seems the magazines this year are on the edgy side. For instance, TSN's review of the Mountain West Conference says: "If BYU makes a bowl game, expect plenty of whining all the way to the site. Actually, expect whining no matter what happens."
I thought that all ended when Bryant Gumbel got out of sports.
TSN also calls the banning of BYU's white uniform bibs a "humanitarian" measure, because fans don't have to look at them any more. I thought they were fine — if they were trying to look like a colony of penguins.
Respect this year is hard to come by. However, the Utes do show up in the top 25 in two of the magazines. Athlon has them 24th, while Lindy's ranks them No. 22. Southern Utah doesn't make a ripple in any of the magazines, except Lindy's, which accords the Thunderbirds a No. 20 ranking among I-AA teams. Weber State isn't so lucky. It isn't even mentioned in Athlon's conference roundup and is picked seventh in Lindy's Big Sky preview.
Of the four magazines that rank teams by conference, Utah is picked to win in two publications and finish second in two. The Cougars are picked third in three magazines and second in one.
USU is in a place you don't want to visit. It ranks 90th, 102nd and 103rd in the national polls and is picked to finish fourth, fifth or sixth in the conference polls.
So everyone's on the same page on another point: the Aggies will be horrible.
Athlon, one of the most thorough magazines, has a nice feel for the Utes. "The Utes have the league's best personnel," it says. "All that's holding them back is a knack for losing at the wrong times. Maybe a scheduling upgrade is just what they need. This much is certain: They won't lose to Boise State this season. The teams don't play."
Hey, magazines have long memories.
Athlon also says Ute coach Ron McBride can be judged by any of three criteria: the rise in talent level at the school, the way the Utes always finish strong, or the way his team loses every season to an inferior team.
So at least he's doing fine on two out of three.
BYU's LaVell Edwards might feel pressure to step down if his team is 2-4 or worse by early October, according to Athlon. (Deadline was months before he announced retirement plans.)
Of course, if the Cougars are 6-0 at that point, he'll feel another sort of pressure: to stay another 10 years.
Lindy's calls McBride "one of the most underrated coaches in the country" and says he gets "overshadowed at a school whose basketball coach is everyone's favorite sound bite..."
Don't worry, Coach. Big Rick overshadows a lot of things, like, for instance, Nevada.
So there you have it; the local teams' prospects in a nutshell. Utah is a contender and a fringe top-25 team. BYU is good, but only for the Mountain West Conference. Utah State has a new coach. All it needs now is 50 or so new players.
Weber State and SUU are barely mentioned. If you want to know about them, you'll have to see them in person and decide for yourself.
E-mail: rock@desnews.com