NO WAY TO TREAT A FIRST LADY, by Christopher Buckley, Random House, 288 pages, $24.95.
Christopher Buckley, who wrote the novel "The White House Mess," returns in this "comic legal thriller" to Washington, D. C., to focus on Elizabeth Tyler MacMann, the first lady of the United States, who has been charged with killing her philandering husband, the handsome war hero, Kennedyesque Kenneth Kemble MacMann. Apparently, during a bedroom argument, she threw a historic Paul Revere spittoon at his head. At the time, he didn't act as if he were harmed.
He undressed and climbed into bed — and when she awoke, he was dead. Hmmm.
That is the clever pretext for this brilliant, satirical romp, in which many of the famous names of Washington politics and the media are treated with merciless, unsparing wit. Usually, Buckley makes up a name that connotes a real person, but sometimes he sticks in a real name without dwelling on the person. My favorite is CBS News Anchor Dan Rather, who is quoted in his familiar Texas slang saying, "The mood in Judge Umin's courtroom was more electric than a drenched cat with its tail stuck in a socket."
Some of the made-up characters who may remind you of a real-life politician, lawyer, etc., are Chief Justice Henry Adolphus Wiggins, columnist John O'Banion, Vice President Harold Farkley, attorney Boyce ("Shameless") Baylor, Alan Crudman (very close to Harvard law professor Alan Dershowitz), defender of J. J. Bronco, (You know who!) Barry Strutt, Kyle Coots, Lee Vermin (F. Lee Bailey?) and TV host Perri Pettengill (Greta VanSustern?), who moderates "Hard Gavel," and Dr. Lafros Crogenos, a pathologist.
About the latter, Rather, the character in the book, said his name "has more vowels in it than a bowl of alphabet soup after buzzards have finished picking out all the consonants."
Buckley wanted to call the book "The Trial of the Millennium" (a great idea), but the publisher wouldn't go for it. Most of the story traces the strange intricacies of a very bizarre trial, including lots of sharp tricks and ingenious delay tactics by the First Lady's top-notch but sleazy lawyer. Oddly enough, the First Lady and Boyce Baylor dated each other in law school. So their old romance, previously forgotten by both, is ironically rekindled during the trial. (That's where the love story part comes in.)
The story progresses with startling precision, including twists and turns that fit together perfectly in the end. Nothing can be given away here to ruin the reading experience, but for a while it looks as if the First Lady is on her way to prison — and then she looks as if she will emerge unscathed. The process is hilarious and every minute is worth your time. (Those nervous about sexual situations should hurry through the prologue — but you need to read it to understand the rest.)
The First Lady even gets to brush up on her own law degree, sometimes suffering from too much sincerity. Her desire to tell the truth is a sticky problem for her oily lawyer, even as they become more and more romantically involved.
Consistently, Buckley shows his exceptional talent with plot, dialogue and subtly funny narrative. He makes satire seem effortless.
Dave Barry — watch your back.
E-mail: dennis@desnews.com