Dear Harlan: I've been with my boyfriend on and off for two and a half years. Everything goes well for a few months, and then he gets bored of me. Now he says I don't talk on the phone. He also says I need to start coming up with ideas, because he always has them. What next? — Confused One
Dear Confused One: How about this? He can entertain the idea of dating someone else. Maybe he can date a TV writer on strike. I'm sure they can write some material to entertain him. Listen, it doesn't need to be this hard. There are always things to talk about.
For example, you can talk about how you don't have things to talk about. That's usually good for a few moments of chit-chat. Unless you live on the space station and he's the only guy in space, you might be better off dating a guy who knows how to entertain himself.
Dear Harlan: Earlier this year, I had my heart ripped out. I had a crush on a girl. When I finally had the courage to tell her how I felt, she told me that she felt the same way.
We decided not to start anything because it was May, and we would soon be going home for the summer. After waiting all summer to have the chance finally to be together, I asked her out, and that's when she said, "No." She was one of my best friends last year. Now, I never see her.
One of the girls in my new group is amazing. I've had a crush on her for quite some time. She's my type, but I can tell that I'm probably not hers. I know she likes me as a friend, but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't date me.
I would just tell her, hoping at worst she'd just let me down easy, but I lost one of my best friends already in this type of situation, and this girl means too much to me to risk losing her friendship. I don't want to tell any of my other friends because I don't want anyone to make a big deal about it, so I was hoping you could give me an outsider's perspective. — Afraid
Dear Afraid: Until you believe that she would want you, keep your feelings to yourself. Here's why: Suppose she does want you? Chances are you'll always be waiting for her to discover the truth — that she really doesn't want you (too uncomfortable).
Now let's say she does not want you? You'll probably become so uncomfortable that you will make her uncomfortable. And then the friendship will become strained. The time to share your feelings with a friend is when you know that you have options. This way, if the friend isn't interested, you can thank her for being honest and calmly explore your options.
Write Harlan at harlan@helpmeharlan.com. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL 60614. © Harlan Cohen 2007
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