PROVO — The decline of the family in America is real, and researchers hope that a better understanding of what is happening to the fundamental unit of society will help to turn the trends.
"Marriage is viewed as a capstone rather than a cornerstone, as it used to be part of setting up your adult life," said Sam Sturgeon, a senior research manager with Bonneville Communications and president of Demographic Intelligence, who spoke at the inaugural Wheatley Roundtable on Family at BYU on Thursday.
He said more people marry when they are finished with school or are well into their careers, and that fewer are having children.
According to U.S. Census Bureau data, fewer people ever marry, including 20 percent of men and 5 percent of women; and more people cohabit — a more than tenfold increase in the past 50 years.
Statistics also show that more than half of adults in America approve of or favor same-sex marriage, and attitudes about premarital sex and raising children have changed dramatically in the last several decades, according to the data.
"The decline in families is measurable, ongoing and has real effects on society at large — especially children," Sturgeon said.
He said more parents are unmarried, meaning more kids are born out of wedlock, and fewer children are living their lives with two parents in the home. In 1960, Census data show that 88 percent of children could expect to have a mom and a dad at home, whereas 64 percent experienced that in 2010.
"Kids grow up in different worlds (than their peers)," Sturgeon said. "There are huge disparities among children's opportunities in America."
And children don't choose their circumstances, said Scott Stanley, research professor and co-director at the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver.
"A lot of people in America get dealt a really crummy hand," he said, adding that it matters most how those cards are played. "It's helping them pull the lever they can pull."
Families, Sturgeon said, are still the foundation upon which people build their lives, but many of the functions of families and of parents have been weakened by societal, technological, political, economic and religious challenges and pressures.
Educational attainment and/or career advancement has something to do with how a family succeeds, and social classes seem to marry within their same class, perpetuating some of the problems, according to the data.
But marriage seems to do something good for men, said W. Brad Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. He said the motivation and perspective provided by marriage "makes men work harder, smarter and more successfully."
"Marriage plays a transformative role in the lives of men," Wilcox said. His research shows that married men work more hours per year than their single peers, they are much less likely to quit a job until lining up another and are less likely to be fired.
"It seems to be making men behave in a more strategic fashion," he said.
And while it could be that "the marrying kind" of men are better suited for careers anyway, Wilcox said longitudinal evidence indicates that marriage makes a big impact on a man's life.
"For the average guy, marriage deepens his connection to work, making him work harder, smarter and more successfully," he said. The same is true for a man's devotion to his family, as marriage focuses his attention on one woman.
Wilcox said women also tend to encourage their husbands to stop risky behaviors, such as drinking and hanging out with friends that can harm their workplace performance.
"Marriage is an institution that encourages men to settle down by engendering a responsibility ethic, fostering monogamy and connecting men to a partner with a stake in their personal well-being and professional success," he said.
In order to get better marriages, people need to make better decisions about whom they date, cohabit with, commit to and eventually marry, Stanley said. Cohabitation might not yield the best results for everyone, he said, as it "only makes it harder to break up."
"People want lasting love, but that requires a foundation for a long-term investment," he said, adding that many couples "slide" into greater commitment just because it is the next step, not realizing what the options are.
"Commitment is always making a choice to give up other choices," Stanley said. "You can't have a deeper better life on any path without being willing to give up other options you could have chosen."
"The last thing young people want to do today is lose options without making a choice — but a whole lot of their behavior is leading them to that place," he said.
Marriage provides tangible benefits to individuals, communities and children conceived, Sturgeon said. It results in better physical and mental health, greater wealth, and safer, longer and happier lives, according to much research. Married people are more likely to own homes and be involved in their communities, and their children tend to perform better in school and are less likely to serve prison time, according to the data.
A survey of American high school students shows they still believe that having a good marriage and family life is "extremely important," Sturgeon said, and teen pregnancy, birth and abortion rates are at historic lows, "which are all good things."
The good things about marriage, he said, need to be shared.
Sturgeon noticed a lot more advertisements during the recent Super Bowl were "pro-family," portraying active fathers and engaging families, which is a marketing strategy many big companies are making.
Wilcox said welfare policies shouldn't penalize marriage and that America should foster better support for vocational education and apprenticeships, giving more men with different talents the ability to succeed.
A low-income wage boost and increased child tax credit, he said, would also help families in the country, as well as more widespread support for fatherhood, helping men understand the realities of family life.
Wheatley Institution fellow and BYU professor of marriage and family studies Jason Carroll, who organized Thursday's roundtable, said the idea of the annual spring gathering is to engage students and other people who have interest in sharing the evidences of strengthening and defending the family — a main pinnacle for the Wheatley Institution — "to grow circles of connection and influence."
He hopes more people will stand out and advocate for the traditional family unit, especially in a time when it is being attacked.
The Wheatley Roundtable on Family continues through Friday, with sessions beginning at 10 a.m. at the Gordon B. Hinckley Alumni and Visitor Center, 150 E. 1230 North in Provo.
Email: wleonard@deseretnews.com, Twitter: wendyleonards