PROVO — Kalani Sitake was in so much pain in the fourth grade that at first, even the chance to meet his heroes didn’t seem to help.
The Tongan boy loved growing up in Hawaii with his parents and siblings. He lived around BYU players who looked like him and talked like him and he looked up to them, he said Tuesday during a BYU campus devotional.
Then his parents divorced, and his father moved the children to Utah.
“I was broken and didn’t understand what was happening. I questioned everything and often blamed myself. I was lost and desperate for answers that never came,” he said to 7,968 at the Marriott Center, where he stood at a podium in front of three video boards that displayed an image of the football field at LaVell Edwards Stadium.
So when his heroes visited his school, Cascade Elementary School in neighboring Orem, he was excited but still sad.
“At this time, the BYU football team was the only thing that brought joy in my young life. It happened to be 1984, the undefeated national championship year. I felt like God answered my prayers every week for every game, so you’re welcome,” he said to laughter.
But Sitake said he sat on the side and watched the players talk and laugh with other children.
“I had no confidence and a very low self-esteem. I was in a lot of pain. I missed my home. I missed Laie, Hawaii. I missed my friends. I missed my mom,” he said.
Finally, a player noticed him and motioned for him to join the group. Sitake shook his head, but the player did the unthinkable. He approached the boy.
“I froze,” Sitake said. “This was a big-time player. In fact, he was my favorite player. I didn’t know what he wanted, and thought, ‘Why is he coming to talk to me?’”
The player, who was born in Tonga like Sitake, spoke to the boy for about a minute. Then he gave him a hug.
“It was different than I’ve ever felt before. I felt warm and I felt safe,” said Sitake, who showed emotion over the memory. “During the embrace, he said, ‘Everything is gonna be fine. I love you and God loves you.’ I’d heard those words ... probably a thousand times before, but this was the first time I actually believed it.
“That hug fixed something in me that was broken, and it was during that hug that I knew I was going to play football for BYU and be just like this player, Vai Sikahema. I wanted to be like him. My heart was full of love and joy.”
Sitake told the BYU students that the message he would share with himself if he could go back to his freshman year is that God had a plan for him and has one for each person.
“It’s important to realize that there is a divine design for us,” he said.
Today, Sitake’s hero, Elder Vai Sikahema, a fellow native of Tonga and a former NFL star and sports broadcaster, ministers as a General Authority Seventy for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Sitake has shared the story before, but Tuesday was the first time he publicly shared the name of the hero who came to his rescue.
“For Elder Sikahema it was a small detail but for me, a major milestone,” Sitake said.
Sitake went on to share a second story of a time he felt broken, and also talked about — and afterward modeled — the way Elder Sikahema’s example shaped him.
His message was endorsed by BYU President Shane Reese, who told the devotional assembly that the coach is “a man who lives what he says. He not only talks the talk, but walks the walk. He’s a true disciple of our Savior Jesus Christ.”
A promising NFL career
Sitake wore Elder Sikahema’s No. 23 as a BYU fullback in 1994. After an injury-filled college career, he signed a contract with the Cincinnati Bengals. Finally feeling healthy after three surgeries, he joyfully prayed the night before the team’s first full practice.
“I thanked God for his guidance and ended my prayer by saying, ‘Heavenly Father, I trust you and whatever is best for me, let it happen. I’m ready to do so much good with this gift and opportunity.”
The next morning he woke up in pain. His lower back and legs had a sensation like a foot falling asleep. He tried to get through the day, but the team could see he was in pain. An MRI showed permanent damage. His playing career was over, and he was hurt, confused and angry. He felt lonely, abandoned and distraught.
“When I said I trust you and whatever is best for me, let it happen, this is not what I meant!” he prayed in frustration.
Then he felt the same warmth he had with Elder Sikahema.
“I was healed immediately — not physically but spiritually and mentally,” Sitake said. “My anger quickly went away and my goal now was to find God’s plan for me. Because if this isn’t it, then there must be something better.”
He spent the next 15 years building a family with his wife and four children and launching a coaching career. He shared a photo montage of those years, dozens of images that filled the massive video board above the Marriott Center playing floor.
“I learned so many lessons that gave me the tools and mindset needed for the next design,” Sitake said. “He was right. For me, this is definitely something better.”
The dream job he didn’t recognize
Then on Dec. 19, 2015, Sitake was named BYU’s head football coach.
“I spoke to God again,” he said: “‘Are you kidding me? What just happened?! I got my dream job. The dream job I never knew I always wanted.’ But God knew.”
Elder Sikahema was the first Tongan to play in the NFL. Now Sitake was the first Tongan to be a head college football coach.
Sitake has won 72 games at BYU, third in school history behind LaVell Edwards (257) and Bronco Mendenhall (99).
The ongoing impact of an act of kindness
Sitake uses those victories as a platform to reach people in need, the way Elder Sikahema did with him, said a BYU football player who gave a prayer at the devotional.
“Of course we want to win games, but really we want to win games so that we can have more of an impact on these kids, this younger generation, to be the light in their lives,” wide receiver Chase Roberts said. “That comes straight from Kalani and the messages that he shares in meetings, at games and in practices.”
National broadcasters have noted that Sitake has built a “love and learn” culture on the team.
After he spoke, Sitake stayed and shook hands and gave hugs to dozens of students.
He concluded his talk by telling the students they will experience adversity, but they will also identify divine design set for them.
“Good times are ahead. Your highlights are coming,” he said, as reels played behind him of the biggest moments in BYU football history, including Steve Young’s touchdown catch in a 1983 bowl game, Robbie Bosco’s touchdown pass to win the 1984 national title and Will Ferrin’s game-winning kick to beat Utah last fall.
All people benefit from the pain and suffering of Jesus Christ, which connects each person to him, Sitake said.
“Just like him, we need to seek the design and trust God’s plan for us to overcome any adversity,” he said, adding, “No matter what any of you are going through right now in your lives, his heavenly angels and earthly angels will be there to comfort, encourage and hug you, reminding us all that everything is gonna be fine.
“I love you and God loves you.”
President Reese reminds students to celebrate Easter
BYU President Shane Reese conducted the devotional, and he began it by having the video boards inside the arena play a recent message from President Dallin H. Oaks, first counselor in the First Presidency.
During the video message, President Oaks called Easter “the most glorious event in history” and said it deserves greater emphasis.