It’s an exciting week for BYU fans and Utah State fans and fans of college basketball in general as the NCAA basketball tournament, or as the kids call it, March Madness, begins.
The BYU and Utah State teams have both been selected to play in this year’s tournament; BYU at a 6-seed and Utah State at a 10-seed. And I absolutely do not know what that means.
By this point in my column-writing career, my sports ignorance is well documented. Here. And here. And here.
It’s not that I don’t want to understand the intricacies of sports, it’s just that there are other things that interest me more. And I tend to spend my precious down time thinking about those things, and not about how planting seeds could possibly tie in to basketball. That’s a joke. I know it’s not about gardening. Please don’t explain it to me.
Basketball ignorance aside, I still fill out a March Madness bracket this time of year. And, I’m sorry to report, I think my ignorance is actually a benefit.
I mean no disrespect to those who study college basketball and complete their bracket according to their research. Maybe they employ the recommended tips and tricks for choosing who goes to the last dance. Maybe they pay close attention to those mysterious seeds. Maybe they know which athletes are injured and how that will affect their favorite team’s performance. Maybe they watch ESPN SportsCenter every night and can recite how many free throws have been shot, made and missed. But none of that matters. Because the person who wins your office’s bracket competition will be the person who has paid the least amount of attention to college basketball this year.
I know this for two reasons: 1. I once won an office bracket competition by choosing the four team names I liked best and working backward. 2. That’s the way it always goes with any fan competition. Every year my family gathers to watch the Academy Awards and complete our ballots. And every year, the person who has not seen any of the movies makes the most correct predictions. And I, the person who watches the movies and listens to prognosticators and reads all the critics’ reviews, make the least amount of correct predictions. And lose. I think I care too much.
And I’d be better off completing the ballot with my eyes closed. So too, would the ardent basketball fan be better off completing the March Madness bracket with their eyes closed. Because for every bracket competition won by a diehard NCAA fan, there’s five bracket competitions won by children who picked the mascot they like most. At the end of the day none of us can actually predict which way a basketball game will go.
And isn’t that what makes sports fun? That’s something I can bear witness to, not just something I’ve been told. As ignorant as I am of the ins and outs of sports, I do enjoy watching them on occasion, and I’ve been lucky enough to attend a few March Madness games in the past when they took place in Utah. Each was thrilling, often coming down to final shots at the buzzer to determine a winner. You could practically hear the shattering of brackets from every corner of the arena, as teams upset tournament expectations.
We enjoy sports because we’re never entirely sure what’s going to happen. It’s what makes spectating so riveting, and what makes predicting outcomes so impossible. And frustrating.
I wish you the best of luck with the bracket you painstakingly filled out this year. But for next year, I have some suggestions that will undoubtedly lead to more success:
- Choose the team uniform you like most for the champion.
- Do as the children do and pick your favorite mascot.
- Choose the top teams based only on vibes.
- Pick the winner based on the city you like most.
- Pick the losers based on the cities you like the least.
- Choose which teams advance based on which coaches have the best facial hair.
- Choose which teams advance based on which coaches have the best ties.
- Close your eyes and make indiscriminate circles and see which teams you picked.
- Hand your bracket to a toddler and let them fill it out for you.
Ultimately, none of it will matter. Brackets, and hearts are going to break, as top teams get eliminated early and teams from tiny schools no one has heard of make it to the elite eight. And isn’t that fun?