Are there certain things we do, habits if you will, that help us do better at what we attempt to accomplish in life? Stephen R. Covey thinks so and has just written a new book on the topic titled "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People." It was released in August and published by Simon & Schuster in New York. Covey is well-known, not only in the Provo area where he resides, but nationally and internationally as a consultant to many business organizations. He is president of Steven R. Covey and Associates and chairman of the Covey Leadership Center and the Institute for Principles-Centered Leadership.
One wonders if this is just another book of motivational "fluff and stuff" so common on the book market today. Sort of a psychic hit-and-run approach for dealing with life's many problems and situations. It is not.Covey addresses his topics in a simple, straightforward way with the skill, almost genius, that the Utah speaker and writer possesses. He writes and speaks in ways that can be understood easily by the reader or listener. It is a rare skill possessed by few. And as Covey has noted, the content of "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" has been taught, distilled and refined over a number of years.
The greatest testimony to the value of "The Seven Habits" is the thousands of people who have sought and enjoyed it first in Covey's seminars and then on audio-video cassettes. Now his ideas are available in book format.
One wonders if the ideas in "Seven Habits" are applicable to marriage and family life. Evidently so. Last week a woman called me long distance on the phone to discuss some of her marital concerns. During the conversation she mentioned that Covey's tapes on "The Seven Habits" had been a great source of help and inspiration in her personal life.
I think the book is helpful and valuable for married couples. Particularly the chapter on Habit No. 1: "Be Proactive." You won't find the word "proactive" in the dictionary. And I don't even know if Covey coined the word. But he writes about it in a fascinating way. It simply means that you take charge of your life. You determine your behavior and ultimate destiny in life. It is a simple concept to state but one that is not generally understood or believed by many including those in the counseling profession.
Obviously there are things, events, or experiences from the past that have great influence on our present behavior. But, according to Covey, they do not have to be the determining factors in our lives. We cannot choose what life does to us but we can choose what we do and think about it. More importantly, we can make choices and decisions right now in our lives that can be highly beneficial in the future.
Many husbands and wives believe that their own behavior and, consequently, the present status or condition of the marriage is caused by the other person or external conditions. A person caught in the "reactive" trap will often use phrases (noted on page 78) such as: "There's nothing I can do." "That's just the way I am." "He/she makes me so mad." "They won't allow that." "I have to do that." and "I can't," "I must" and "If only."
Proactive people (those accepting responsibility for their own behavior and future) use phrases like: "Let's look at our alternatives." "I can choose a different approach." "I can control my own feelings." "I will choose an appropriate response." "I choose," "I prefer" and "I will."
During one military engagement a junior officer rushed to Napoleon's side and asked, "Napoleon, what are the conditions of the battle?"
Napoleon's reply? "I determine the conditions!"
That's the proactivity Covey advocates.
"The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People," is now available at most bookstores. I think it has value for contemporary married couples.